It’s amazing how something that happened so long ago can still haunt us now
I was driving the other day and I was stopped at a light. It was a pretty big street and cars were parked to my right. As I sat there, with my foot firmly on the brake, I suddenly got the sensation that my car was moving forward. I started freaking out and started slamming on the brake. Still, my car seemed to be moving forward. Then, I realized that the car that I thought was parked to my right was actually moving backward. Pretty stupid, I know. But get ready for a bad analogy coming up.
I feel like I often rely on relative points of reference for judging myself. That is, because I was around the same people for such a long time evolving into doing the same stupid things, I never realized how much I’ve changed. One particularly shocking moment for me was when I was telling one of my friends about something stupid my other friend had done. I was explaining to him how my other friend and I are similar and it’s funny he would do that, and to picture me doing the stupid act. Then, my friend said that he actually could picture me now doing it, but not me two years ago.
Anyways, the whole point of this blog post was to marvel in shock about how much I’ve changed without realizing it.
Now, the real issue is: Are you who you want(ed) to be?
I think London is going to be a good break
So I am looking through my most recent text messages on my old phone, which dates to July of last year.
Some notables:
Kevin Liu: “Damn work is so boring lol can you work wednesdays? Iqbal can’t anymore”
Kevin Liu: “Lol do you know jessica h.o.? Her brother is in my korean class lol”
Noona: “I heard umma on the phone. if its gonna take a long time we should just fuck it”
Sarah Lee: “Get ready to get crushed you yuhj”
Reveri: “Hahaha good n u spitting idiot beligerantly alcoholic its ok but i will rip on u for a lil”
Patrick: “Wanna ball tonight? Daniel might come too”
Gilbert (Iqbal): “Bf 3?”
Ji: “Lol i just realized i went online yesterday after i came home and wrote a hate message on [somebody]’s face book”
Oh how little we changed
So I had a chance to talk with Joon last night regarding what actually happened Saturday night.
Theory on the location of my phone:
At one point during our NRB session, I informed Joon and friend that I would be relieving myself in the restroom. However, after many minutes pass, I do not return. Concerned, Joon gets up and checks the bathroom (also to relieve himself as well). On the way, he overhears two kids walking to the bathroom about some random guy who just walked into their room and sat down. Nobody knows him. Joon hopes that it is not me and continues his search. Unable to find me, he is forced to talk to those kids and go make sure that “random guy” is not me. But alas, Joon walks into a room full of high school kids, about 20-25 of them, although I’m not sure how they’d fit in those small rooms. I’m sitting in the middle phasing out. Everybody is keeping their distance from me with a “who the heck is this guy” expression on their faces. As he curses at me and tries to get me out of the room, I try to convince him that I know them through church. I’m hoping that I actually don’t know any of them. Otherwise, mad embarrassing. Damn. I think I left my phone in that room.
So there’s the story. And it matches up with information that I’ve gotten from other people. For instance, people received texts such as “Hey baby you up? Cause I am.” And people who I otherwise would not call received calls from my phone. Yup. And those little brats probably won’t be returning my phone. Awesome.
Here is the expense report on my missing items:
Here’s to a better forecast
Things I’ve lost in the last 2 weeks that I would like back desperately:
Damn it.
John, it’s a Friday night 11pm. You are 20 years old, arguably one of the better primes of your life. You’ve been stuck in an (unpaid) internship all week 8-5 as you watched, through a window, beautiful rays from the sun strike everything that surrounds your office building. You don’t have to get up early tomorrow, so tonight is the one night a week to stay up late and not feel like complete crap the following morning. Surely, you must have something epic and legendary planned. Surely.
Negative captain.
Unfortunately, dear reader(s!?), the person whose blog you are currently perusing through seems to be lacking in the friends department. Or rather, friends who are:
1) willing to come hang out despite being gassy and having some self-image issues
2) currently in the same state(location) as I am
3) willing to leave dota to hang out
4) willing to hang out with a group of “younger kids” (hint: this one graduated college)
So what do I do on this fine Friday evening full of joy being killed and my self-esteem regarding my social prowess dropping faster than this guy left alone in a bad neighborhood after yelling racial slurs? (Btw, no offense to that guy. I just googled “fat guy”). I bitterly bitch and whine about my life, and then blog about something that I’ve been meaning to happily blog about for about the last week or so. (Update: The whole blog ended up as bitching)
I am not an opponent of internet slang. I see the advantages of it, including the entertainment value. But seriously, some of you faggots (namely my aforementioned dota friend) take it too damn far. Following is a list of e-speak (internet communication habits), that really just annoys me sometimes.
lawl/lewl/lulz – Seriously. Wtf. For those of you who can’t figure it out, these are variations of lol. Various (faggoty) phonetic spellings of it. I’m not sure exactly why, but my balls cringe a little bit everytime I read this. It’s kind of like that feeling you got when you watched James Bond tortured in Casino Royale…only not as intense.
w.e. – This actually infuriates me. Especially in an argument setting. While arguing, saying “whatever” dismissively is basically saying, “You think you are right, but I’m the one who’s actually right. HOWEVER, I don’t feel like using up the energy to enlighten you. I am also not willing to listen to your point of view because I’m a self-righteous bastard.” If typed out as a whole word, it wouldn’t look as bad. But holy crap. When I see those initials, it legitimately pisses me off.
roflcopter/lollerskates – Really? Those gifs were pretty sick, but that’s about it.
Numb3r R3pl4ac3m3n7 (Number Replacement) – There’s a reason T looks like T and not like a freaking 7. And zero will never be O.
Vocalizing e-speak (I’m sorry for continually using faggot. I have nothing against homosexuals, but it’s my favorite insult) – The next time I hear somebody physically say, “pwnt” or “lawl” or “rofl” or “8 less than sign,” I don’t know. I might explode of over-exposure to faggotry.
Retarded-ass (I don’t have anything against disabled people) grammar mistakes – YOUR IS NOT YOU’RE. THEIR, THEY’RE, AND THERE ARE NOT THE SAME. My personal favorite is “you’re” or “they’re” to mean possessive. Congrats, you’re doing more work to sound more uneducated. Admittedly, my grammar is not perfect. But COME ON! It’s not like I’m looking for dangling modifiers or something out here. Let’s just get the basics right. Please. Also, just a random one: common =/= c’mon.
TyPiNg lYk DiS – I know that is no longer popular (I hope), but what’s an e-speak rant without that one? You can also tell I’m running out of ideas.
That’s it for now. My bitterness and anger towards spending yet another Friday night alone have subsided. And ramen calls.
P.S.: All images used in this blog post were courtesy of google image search.
Mountains out of mole hills. Nay, mountains out of ANT HILLS. And you get all gushy and sentimental. Lovesick, even.
So I’ve been watching this Korean drama recently. It’s a prototypical plot with Girl A, Boy A, Girl B, and Boy C (the corresponding letters mean that they like each other and an ultimately will end up together); Girl A and B are step sisters and Girl B loves Boy A. Boy C is mostly irrelevant for the purposes of this blog, but he loves girl A.
Naturally, Girl B is a bitch because she is the slighted step-sister with the messed up mom (you can’t really hate her that much; she’s an oddly sympathetic character). Anyhoo, as she slowly starts realizing that her relationship with Boy A is deteriorating–that is, Boy A falls in love with Girl A–she turns into a total freak who simply refuses to let go. And, well…it’s really ugly.
Having said all this, I was talking to a friend (a fellow hater of the witch step-mom) about how Girl B should just give up. Honestly, she might as well try to score a basketball with her eyes blindfolded, behind the back from NBA half court while juggling flaming swords with the other hand. I’m pretty simple when it comes to relationships: if you like each other, it happens; if not, it doesn’t. But seriously, at what point do you say enough is enough? In everything, they (proverbial–I have no idea who this brilliant generic group of people is who just poop out all these nuggets of wisdom) say that you should both know when to give up and when to persevere. And this is an issue that transcends just one’s “game” (haha). Grades, money, basketball skills…pretty much anything that you’ll ever want will probably have to be earned.
How much are you willing to be vulnerable to get what you want? Moreover, is it even worth it?
How bad do you want it
P.S.: Not caring: top five hardest things to do in life
P.P.S.: Damn, I’d better not fall asleep at work tomorrow
You know how I know that I’m selfish and self-centered?
I don’t really make decisions, just deliberations.
(I have no idea if deliberations are “made” … I also may have made up my own definition of the word deliberation)
Random thought of the day: If you keep investing for the future, you will never see the benefits; at some point, you have to cash in
Hopeful uncertainty…
The only limitations on possibilities are the spectacular, the undreamable, unfathomable
I think the most underrated “loss of innocence” is losing the ability to daydream.
